Monday, April 30, 2007

The Hardest Part

Tomorrow I start chemotherapy. Yes, I have been through horrible surgeries, radiation burns, death speeches, drug reactions and more. Yet, I am most afraid of chemotherapy.
My mother passed away December 2005. She was Doctor Mom. The one who held your hand when you gave birth; broke your knee; went on bed rest; lost the use of your legs and so on. She always was patient with medical questions. When facing the tough doctors, she went with and asked the questions you didn't know to ask. This has been so much harder without her.
On the one hand, I am grateful she is not here. I wouldn't want to put her through the stress of seeing me now. And she has visited and is with me always.
On the other, there is nothing better than holding her hand when you are scared. I am at heart just her little girl.

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