Monday, April 2, 2007

My Literal Heart Strings

When my daughters were young, they fretted when Grandma and Grandpa left at the end of a fun visit. My mom kindly explained the invisible string that connects families hearts. Hers is connected to theirs and connected to mine and on and on. The girls loved it and we have talked about several times over the years.
Just last night my oldest daugher suggested that I explain heart strings to my youngest son. She thought he was old enough and it would help with all the trips over the next few years to New York. I thought about it and upstairs I went to explain to my autistic son about invisible strings connecting our hearts.
I first told him it was a secret. Only families knew about the strings. He thought it was a cool thing. We talked about who was connected and for how long. I told him that he was even connected to my mother who lived in heaven.
Big mistake.
"Where is heaven?"
"Up in the clouds."
"Are you going up into the clouds?"
I paused. Paused some more. And affirmed. "Yes, some day a long time from now I will be going up into the clouds."
"Will you live here with me in this house?"
"Sure I will."
"Are you only going one time?"
Huh. "Are you going into the clouds one time?"
"Yes, I am going one time and I will be with you again."
"Will I go to the clouds?"
I told him yes and kissed him goodnight. I flew out of the room and commenced sobbing.
Then I went downstairs to kill my oldest daughter.

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