Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Dog and The Fire Hydrant

Today in my online liposarcoma support group there was a flurry of emails concerning stress and cancer. Last week NPR hosted a whole hour on cancer research and part of it addressed the link between inflamation and cancer. In the back of my mind I have often wondered about why I have this dreaded disease. It was not my formost concern when first diagnosed. I only wondered when I became calmer and passed the crisis. Now it is a fact of my life. I only need to address the embarrassment of depression.
I have talked about the depression before. I am pills. I see a psychologist. I am in support groups. Yet there is still embarrassment and a stigma to depression. Oh hell, if you wonder why I'm depressed just look at my plate. It runneth over. And I needed help. So there, no more embarrassment.
The discussion on stress in the online support group is a different issue. Stress causes a rise in cortisol which leads to inflammation. This inflammation could trigger a genetic tendency to cancer. A theory.
So I started to think about stress. How I handle it and how I don't. The online group talked about glasses half full and half empty. I always that I was a half full person. Optimistic and laid back. Perhaps I have too many half full glasses.
All of the discussion reminded me of a conversation that I had with my daughter's friend. I asked if she felt like the dog or the fire hydrant that day.
She said she felt like the sidewalk.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I want that job

Late at night, when I can't get to sleep, I have been watching reruns of Sex In The City. We don't have HBO so these aren't reruns for me. Now I know why people loved them.
I want Carrie's job. I want to be paid for a column about something. To work from my home and make enough to afford Jimmy Cho's.
Mostly I want to have the figure that makes all of those clothes look good.
So I will settle for the blog and making this my forum. I promise to endeaver more posts. Even though this started as a means to express myself during the most stressful period of my life. I really have learned to enjoy it.
So I will dream of living the Carrie Bradshaw life.
Mostly I will dream of the clothes.

Only In The Evening

Every night around 10pm I have a brainstorm. In my head I compose the best blogs -- as I get ready for bed, lock up for the night, brush my teeth and wait for sleep. Of course, the composition is gone from my brain the next morning.
This is a tribute to all of those incredibly well composed and thoughtful brain blogs. The blog I composed on autism. The blog I also composed on cleaning the house. All of those blogs that I composed on travel. Not to mention cancer, going forward, preparing for the next scan, living life and on and on and on.
While you look a the meager postings of the past two months, know that I am busily composing late into the night.
Even while I sleep.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Happy New Year - YEAH!

Thank You 2008! I wasn't sure I would see you yet here I am!
It is funny but many times I blogs in my head when I can't get to the computer. Then I sit down to blog and nothing comes out that I intended to write. It is like my fingers have a different agenda.
I know that it has been more than a month since I blogged. My apologies. I took time off to enjoy the holiday disease free. We spent the time as a family just enjoying the holidays. We really tried to live the time as life was before the diagnosis. Every day I counted my blessings and thanked God for one more year!
There isn't much to report except that I have a job. Granted I don't get paid so it isn't a job per se. It is an incredible opportunity to use my brain and keep me motivated. I miss work but I am realistic in realizing that I can't do it all anymore.
I do have other news. I climbed another rock wall and made it much further. Most of it was with my hands and don't have the flexibility in my leg -- but I did great for an old codger!
I also started a Tai Chi class. I loved it. Meditation in motion. Just what my doctor ordered.
And more importantly, my new diet and lifestyle are underway. I am seeing very positive results so far. I only hope that I can keep it going!
The children are wonderful. My husband is wonderful.
Life is good.