Monday, January 31, 2011

Goal for the Week

Since my proclamation last week that I am looking into writing a memoir, I see the need to challenge myself. I need to make writing a priority. I need to write everyday like a job. I must get up in the morning and spend time writing.

With that in mind, I am challenging myself to write a daily blog this work week. Five blogs in a row. What about -- who knows?

Writing is a real issue for me at this time. When it is cold and I am fatigued, I shake. Not the teeth chattering shake but the cerebral palsy jerking. My speech also alters. Thoughts come into my head but I can't literally say them. Sort of a form of apraxia. It is a form of paraneoplastic syndrome. The white cancer cells from the metastasis attacked my nervous system. So I have permanent damage that comes and goes in cycles. Extreme cold is one of the triggers.

I am hoping that this writing exercise will keep me from loosing it mentally as my body jerks and shakes through the day. I need to convince myself that mind is still in this deteriorating body.

Hey, it must be working because an idea just popped into head for tomorrow's blog!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I feel compelled to write the story of the last decade. Even longer in fact. Yet I am puzzled with how to start. Should I jump around in time, go backwards or forward. Should I include only the cancer bits or should it be a story about building – building from fibro to now. How do I include the information on faith? Why am I hesitant to include the faith parts? Does that go back to a fundamental show don’t tell philosophy I grew up with?

Perhaps I should chronicle my writing on the blog. Write about how I make the decisions. Decisions like chronology, voice and truth. Talk about looking at the past and seeing it through a different filter. If I remember at all.

I like to write in short sentences. Language that is simple and direct. Rarely do my sentences follow the traditional noun plus verb format. I write like I speak. I write like I talk. Does that bring me closer to the reader? Is it a more intimate experience? Or just extremely juvenile and annoying?

Even by putting these sentences on paper, I am committing. That is the other fear. Committing. If I don’t tell you then I don’t feel compelled to follow through. Or if I fail, then you wouldn’t know because I never told you.

Big questions. I still don’t know the answers.