Goal for the Week

Since my proclamation last week that I am looking into writing a memoir, I see the need to challenge myself. I need to make writing a priority. I need to write everyday like a job. I must get up in the morning and spend time writing.

With that in mind, I am challenging myself to write a daily blog this work week. Five blogs in a row. What about -- who knows?

Writing is a real issue for me at this time. When it is cold and I am fatigued, I shake. Not the teeth chattering shake but the cerebral palsy jerking. My speech also alters. Thoughts come into my head but I can't literally say them. Sort of a form of apraxia. It is a form of paraneoplastic syndrome. The white cancer cells from the metastasis attacked my nervous system. So I have permanent damage that comes and goes in cycles. Extreme cold is one of the triggers.

I am hoping that this writing exercise will keep me from loosing it mentally as my body jerks and shakes through the day. I need to convince myself that mind is still in this deteriorating body.

Hey, it must be working because an idea just popped into head for tomorrow's blog!

Memoir

I feel compelled to write the story of the last decade. Even longer in fact. Yet I am puzzled with how to start. Should I jump around in time, go backwards or forward. Should I include only the cancer bits or should it be a story about building – building from fibro to now. How do I include the information on faith? Why am I hesitant to include the faith parts? Does that go back to a fundamental show don’t tell philosophy I grew up with?

Perhaps I should chronicle my writing on the blog. Write about how I make the decisions. Decisions like chronology, voice and truth. Talk about looking at the past and seeing it through a different filter. If I remember at all.

I like to write in short sentences. Language that is simple and direct. Rarely do my sentences follow the traditional noun plus verb format. I write like I speak. I write like I talk. Does that bring me closer to the reader? Is it a more intimate experience? Or just extremely juvenile and annoying?

Even by putting these sentences on paper, I am committing. That is the other fear. Committing. If I don’t tell you then I don’t feel compelled to follow through. Or if I fail, then you wouldn’t know because I never told you.

Big questions. I still don’t know the answers.