Sunday, November 25, 2007

Tribute to Time

I was cleaning my husband's dresser this weekend. I found a card from his Grandmother's funeral. The poem on the back of the card was so moving and appropriate for this time of my life.

If suddenly we knew today
Was going to be our last
I'm sure we'd do a lot of things
Neglected in the past.
Like rising very early
So we wouldn't miss the dawn
Or running barefoot down a hill
Before the dew was gone.
I think we'd greet our neighbors
With a very special smile
And visit friends we hadn't seen
In quite a little while.
I'm certain we'd be careful
Not to tread on any toes
And listen with a kinder ear
To other people's woes.
We'd find much greater magic
In a sunset or a star
And wished we'd noticed sooner
Just how beautiful they are.
And finally, I think we'd ask
For extra time to do
These things we didn't do before
And lots of others too.
For all at once we'd realize
That our spiritual worth
Depends upon the way we live
While we are here on earth.
author unknown

Thank You for My Year

I have been struggling with an important anniversary since I last posted. The struggle has been so hard that I have put off posting. I have not let the depression sink back - I just postponed looking at this blog until I could do so without bad memories.
I has been a whole year since I received the horrendous news. A whole beautiful, roller coaster year. A whole year with no new growth. The original two tumors are far gone. A whole year. Far more time than I originally thought I would have.
And I am doing great!
Time is funny thing. You take it for granted until you are told there is no more time left!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Bless My Friends

What is the first thing you think a group of moms would do when visiting NYC?
Hit a bar, take in a show, shop Fifth Avenue, carriage ride in Central Park, etc. How about try new food? Shop at Macys or Bloomingsdales?
Or even visit the United Nations? Hard to take the kids through there, right?
Here we are on Wednesday night and all five of us are on Times Square. Acting like tourists with cameras and video camera. Where do we go first?
The toy store.
We are such moms. God Bless Us.

Dancing Naked

That got your attention!
No this isn't about dancing with the naked cowboy on Times Square. That is another blog.
This is about a funny incident at the doctors office.
After my MRI and CT scan, I was on one side of the offices opposite of where I changed my clothes. All I could wear for the tests were my underwear (fortunately it was clean and hole free), socks, shoes and a short cotton bathrobe. It was lunchtime and the back hallway was jammed with people celebrating something with food and cake. The attendent said that we would take a shortcut to avoid all the people in the back hall.
She took me through the waiting room. In front of all those people. No the ones that see naked people in gowns all day. No just the ones who have to wear the robes.
I looked so good in my short gown, socks and big clunky shoes.
Next stop, runway.

The Secret to Happiness

I have discovered the secret to happiness. To know what the secret I must first describe who I am in groups of people. I have often been the cruise director of a group. Asking questions, making quiet suggestions, or making complete plans. If not the cruise director, I was the wall flower. Hanging back until I could leave quietly disappointed.
I have decided to try to live. Many people have said that living is living in the moment. But I did not know what that meant. How can you live in the moment? How do you not worry about the future? Even if that meant worrying about what to make for dinner. You have to think about the future. Don't you?
On this trip to NYC, I went with four mothers of autistic children. We are in a support group together. They stayed with me for hours through scans and busy offices. They prayed with me and kept my spirits up - and my thoughts distracted.
When I received my good news I made a small yet conscious decision. To just enjoy these incredibly diverse women. Each has such strength and beauty. They each pause and listen to each other. A source of joy each. That decision led to my momentous discover. The real meaning of life.
To pause and enjoy the beauty of the moment. I put aside the worry of when we would eat; where we would eat; how we would get there; would it rain; is everyone enjoying themselves; will I make it; are my kids OK; do I have enough money and on and on and on - you get the picture.
I just paused and listened to the interchanges. The conversations and laughter. I watched people. I felt the rain on my face. I bought knockoff purses in Chinatown. I ate chinese food with a stranger at the table. I bought tickets for a play that I knew nothing about - and loved it!
In other words, I lived.

Sing from the Mountains

YEAH! My CT scans and MRI are clear! That makes almost a year with no new growth!
and better news . . .
The doctor said that my concern of three or four month scan was typical for a person at the beginning of the process. She said that people get better at it over the next five to seven years. My heart soared! Five to seven years! YEAH!
She also said to remember that there are treatment options. I have a subtype that is suspecitible to radiation and we can try chemotherapy. I need to monitor myself for the tumor could pop up anywhere - arm, leg even big toe. Fortunately the brain barrier.
I am celebrating. Many would think that perhaps five to seven is not a celebration - but that is more time with kids. More time to work on effective treatments.
More time for a cure.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Sex and The City

It's midnight. I can't sleep. What's new.
In less than 72 hours I will know if I can have another three months. I am measuring my life in three month segments. But that is another blog.
I am flying to NYC with four of my closest friends. Four amazing women who on the spot agreed to accompany and make this trip an adventure. Four women who will be there to celebrate with me or console me. I am indeed a lucky woman.
I was just watching an episode of Sex in The City. Ironic huh? Here I am going to NYC with four girlfriends who support through thick and thin.
I am truly a lucky woman.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Yeah! I Did It!

Today I climbed halfway up a rock wall! Yes, ole gimpy climbed up a rock wall. The picture on my blog is me actually starting out. I am grateful that my daughters science teacher was on the anchor end or belay.
I wasn't nervous until I couldn't move up anymore. My husband kept saying just hop to the other foot but my leg wouldn't hop. So I stalled halfway up the wall. Fine by me -- I was done in!
I have never felt so proud of myself! While I wasn't one of the young kids scrambling up the wall with ease - this old woman with only half a leg did pretty well!
Go Me!