Friday, November 1, 2013

Pure Peace

So my husband and son are at the local football game.  My daughters are doing whatever college kids do on Friday nights – I know, I know but please don’t tell me.  I am enjoying a quiet evening home and I made a slight mistake.

I made an over strong rum and coke.

I mean really over strong.  I am slightly tipsy.  And writing my blog.   This promises to be very funny.  Or very wrong.  Who can tell?  Well, tomorrow I can tell.  But right now, let’s just roll with it.

Most days I do my work with video rolling constantly in the background.  The sound and plot other thoughts intruding.  Thoughts like when will I die? Will my son be OK?  Do I really need to clean this?  I can just keep moving and those thoughts move to the background.  Maybe never to be heard.

At one point I thought I was the only one with thoughts that circled endlessly.  Now I believe that anyone who goes through trauma has the same problem.  Endless circling thoughts. 

Tonight I was watching Grey’s Anatomy, slightly tipsy, and a moment of pure thoughtlessness occurred.  The song “Sun” by Sleeping At Last came on.  The song has a beautiful refrain.  “We are the dust of dust, We are the apple of God's eye, We are infinite, AS the universe will hold you inside.”  For one brief moment all that I heard was the refrain.  No inner dialogue.  No to do list cycling through.  Only those haunting words.  And a moment of connectedness.  A moment where time stopped and I felt whole.  A moment of where I connected from earth to sky.  A pure moment of peace.

Thank you rum.  Thank you Sleeping at Last.  Thank you Greys .  Thank you.