Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Mental Head Slap

One year. It has been one year since the big surgery. No wonder I have been struggling with thoughts and sadness. These big anniversaries sneak up on you. Your subconscious is trying to tell you to deal with it. My conscious is saying butt out.

While I know that I need to deal with it, I really don't want to.

I am going to side with my conscious on this one.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Filling My Days

Since my revelation last week of running away from my own thoughts, I have been trying to think of a way to work around it. No luck yet.

I can replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I do that a great deal anyway.

I can meditate more. Except a good portion of my day is spent in meditation.

Exercise works. But I find that boring and tend to think more negative thoughts. Kinda self defeating.

So I am still thinking about it. I know that given time the answer will come. I just have to trust.

In the meantime, I cleaned a few closets. That does feel good.