On Tuesday, I faced a big fear. No, this wasn't the running of the bulls or public speaking but a simple, everyday fear.
I have experienced radiation, two surgeries - one of which I lost half a lung - and now looking right at chemo. But that wasn't a big fear. Those were have to's - not a lot of options, just have to do it. I didn't feel that this time. I felt I had a choice (although I didn't.)
I had to have my stitches out. Sounds simple right. But this was only 18 inches of stitches. From my knee to mid glute. A lot of big, black stitches. My stomach was squeamish.
My dad drove me to the doctor. I was hoping he would hold my hand. Nope, my Dad is as squeamish as I am. He sat in the waiting room. I was on my own.
So I dropped my trousers and bared it all for the doc. I did ask how many stitches there were - bragging rights you know - and the doc said there was one. One long stitch wrapped around many times - 60 plus times. And then it was done. Just like that - I didn't even feel it.
I asked - Why no pain? Did they use something?
The doctor said no - I just had no nerves.
I wish they had told me that before.