I am praying that this doesn't come across as whining. I am struggling with what next questions. How do I look at the next few years?
I know that realistically I have only at the most five years -perhaps more if the chemo is successfull. So whatdo I do next? I am not currently working but am co-chairing a large project that will have a profound impact on our community. The committee has moved on while I took a medical leave. But I sit here at home recuperating, looking at chemo and months of struggle and have a hard time deciding whether to participate or walk away and live (picture live in bold and with big letters). I am considering walking away and concentrating more on myself and my family. But I will sincerely miss the mental challenges of the project. Plus, walking away in some way admits defeat. Does it? Or is it not how I want to spend my time.
Is this a wake up call to change my life?
So, I am sorry if this comes across as a whine. I am grateful to be alive. This disease asks a valuable question, now what?