Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Keep On Moving

Yesterday I saw the animated Disney movie, "Meet the Robinsons." Of course, it has been out for a while but Mondays are fifty cents at the cheap movie theater. And it was raining.
All through the movie the audience is hammered with the theme persistance. A good theme. They even had a catch phrase "Keep Moving On." Apparently a saying of Walt Disney's.
While the theme was heavy handed, it struck a real cord with me. One I had been looking for - for some time. I have been struggling with depression. Not a surprise in my circumstances - facing metastatic stage IV cancer with few options. Up till about two months I have had good humor - recounting the positive, unique experiences so far.
Then I had to face life without the drama. The drama of going to the next surgery or recovering from a surgery. The immediacy of the threat.
Now it is an ongoing, everyday constant thought that I must contend with - in partner with several questions. Such as -- How much time do I have? How do I live the rest of my life? What will it be like? Will I live to see my children grow up? And so on and so on and so on . . .
So at the movie yesterday the theme hit home. I just need to keep on moving. Keep moving on. Persistance.
So my partial answer to the questions above is -
Ah, the hell with it. You know already.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Has it only been a month?

My how time flies when you are having fun?
Since my last post so much has happened - it is all a blur. I have married again; flown to Florida; burned beyond recognition; shook hands with Mickey; driven here and there and well, lived a life.
First, my husband and I renewed our vows. Just like I wanted the first time. 20 years ago, a good Catholic girl, I married in the church. This time it was outdoors with flowers in my hair in my favorite place in the world - Hocking Hills State Park. The ceremony was performed by father with all of our family present. The day was beautiful, my children well behaved, I looked gorgeous. Just a perfect day.
Then a few days later we headed to Florida to one of second favorite places - the beach. Just south of St. Pete is small county park - Fort DeSoto. The beach is immaculate and water clear. We had a ball. After only a few hours each and every one of us was burned. And only the first day.
The next day we headed inland and stayed with friends in Orlando. We spent several days visiting WDW at a slow and leisurely pace (as slow as you can with my son and husband!) It was a blast! Thanks to our friends and Compassion Partners - we could afford the trip. A real bright spot for us right now.
Now the kids are in camps, summer gym and various activities. It is a real relief to finally have driving priveledges. If it wasn't for gas prices, I would get in the car and drive to California!
And the summer is half over. Soon I head off to New York for my next set of scans. I will also talk with my oncologist and discuss options. I admit that chemo scares me. I have postponed it so far but will have to do it soon.
I still have the hole in my leg. Or did I not mention that? A small hole opened in my leg when the PT's were working on it. The hole is from a stitch hole that didn't heal due to radiated tissue. Ick. My husband has to pack it daily. In essence, no swimming this summer. Bummer.
That is the update. I am finally getting back into the grove. My creativity is filling up again. I will start writing and perhaps put a book together. Keep me mentally active over the next several months.
Who know? I published once - I can do it again!