Pure Peace

So my husband and son are at the local football game.  My daughters are doing whatever college kids do on Friday nights – I know, I know but please don’t tell me.  I am enjoying a quiet evening home and I made a slight mistake.

I made an over strong rum and coke.

I mean really over strong.  I am slightly tipsy.  And writing my blog.   This promises to be very funny.  Or very wrong.  Who can tell?  Well, tomorrow I can tell.  But right now, let’s just roll with it.

Most days I do my work with video rolling constantly in the background.  The sound and plot other thoughts intruding.  Thoughts like when will I die? Will my son be OK?  Do I really need to clean this?  I can just keep moving and those thoughts move to the background.  Maybe never to be heard.

At one point I thought I was the only one with thoughts that circled endlessly.  Now I believe that anyone who goes through trauma has the same problem.  Endless circling thoughts. 

Tonight I was watching Grey’s Anatomy, slightly tipsy, and a moment of pure thoughtlessness occurred.  The song “Sun” by Sleeping At Last came on.  The song has a beautiful refrain.  “We are the dust of dust, We are the apple of God's eye, We are infinite, AS the universe will hold you inside.”  For one brief moment all that I heard was the refrain.  No inner dialogue.  No to do list cycling through.  Only those haunting words.  And a moment of connectedness.  A moment where time stopped and I felt whole.  A moment of where I connected from earth to sky.  A pure moment of peace.

Thank you rum.  Thank you Sleeping at Last.  Thank you Greys .  Thank you.

When Someone Believes in You

I know my family believes in me.  Yet a complete stranger called and asked that I write a story on traveling to Disney with an autistic child.  Then he asked for another story.  And another.  And another.  Plus, he paid me!

I know that it seems small to some people.  To me, it is huge! It is the faith of a complete stranger in my work. Similar to a complement of a stranger on your clothes. Somehow we place more value on a strangers complement than our own family.

I get that and I do understand why.  Our family feels the obligation of being nice and they love us unconditionally.  A stranger doesn't have to say anything so their complement is more meaningful.  Sure, makes sense.

Yet, I would hope in my heart that my family really means it.  I mean it when I complement them.  I am honest when I tell them what I think and why.  I would hope that is reciprocated.

Yet, there is a thrill when a stranger does it.  So I am sending a sincere thank you to God for all the editors that believe in me!  Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Quick question for you reader, what was the last complement you received from a complete stranger?  Comment and share the positive!

Adjustments

My daughters are now in college.  How I envy them!  I remember those days so clearly.  Young, able bodied, exciting and safe all at the same time.  Looking back I realize that college was more than another text book to read but an environment to practice being an adult with your parents nearby.  The independence of those years was intoxicating.

I also miss them.  It is cliché to say it seems like yesterday but there is truth to clichés.  While I don't remember my breakfast this morning, I do remember feeding them their breakfast fifteen years ago.  I remember all those tedious details of hair combing, clothes selection, meals, homework, and all the drama involved with young girls.  Sigh.

I am now a woman in a house of men.  Not that I talk about it with my husband because he was outnumbered for so many years.  And I am certainly not the feminine sort.  Yet, I miss helping with their outfits, hair and the general chatter that follows them.  I feel very alone sometimes.

Or perhaps it is loneliness that stems from their leaving whether they are girls or boys.  The house is quieter.  I make far less food and wash fewer clothes. 

No, I do miss them.  I feel that we became more than mother and daughter in the last few years.  I hope we became friends.

Perseverance

I published on wattpad one week ago and I have half of the book posted.  The book went from the backroom listing up to fifty and on the front page.  It has dropped down to 80 but I know now It is a real roller coaster ride.

I read quotes on courage all week.  For the past five years I have been circling around the events that occurred during my cancer treatments.  Coming to terms with the stress, I suppose.  I used humor, therapy, art, group therapy – you name it and I tried it.  I hope this book is the last of my therapy.  It has certainly took courage to put it out there for critique.

Yet, the roads of any one following their faith is hard.  Christian, Muslim or Jewish – they all require faith and perseverance. 

Persevere I will.  I made it through treatments and five years beyond.  Yeah, I got this!

Look, Leap and Breathe

Yesterday I gained the courage to post my memoir on Wattpad.  With the support of family and friends, I took the leap!  Wow, has it paid off!  In less than twelve hours, I had more than 100 people reading the first four chapters.  No, not a Wattpad record but certainly a record for me.

Publishing this story is quite difficult.  The content is very personal.  For those that know me, I try not to be evangelical.  I am certainly not the Church Lady.  Yet, I did experience something profound.  I am following His directions and pray that I heard them correctly.

For those of you reading my book, thank you.  Your support is genuinely appreciated!

For those who haven't read it yet, you can find it here http://www.wattpad.com/story/8219934-please-god-how-do-i-sit-on-the-toilet.  This site is free and accessible online or with a free app on all types of devices.  Search on my name or the title, Please, God, how do I sit on the toilet? 

Enjoy and God bless!

I cannot believe it has been a year since my last post.  In my aged and seemingly feeble mind, it feels like yesterday.  I apologize to my loyal and few followers on a true lack of follow through and procrastination.  Hmmm, maybe that is why there is few?

In my defense,  it has been an exhausting year.  I stopped just about every non Mom part of my life to focus on my family.  My middle child graduated, received her Gold Award, traveled overseas and started college.  My oldest completed her second year of college and traveled this summer working.  My youngest completed fourth grade and began the adjustment of being the last kid home.  All in all – a very busy year for Mom.  Enough of the bragging already!

Now that everyone is off and moving in their own life direction, I can refocus on my extra-curricular activities.  I am blessed to be surrounded by such incredibly talented people like Laura Schweitzer.  She created my new book cover.  I will be posting about it soon. 

Why not now you ask?  One aspect of building an author’s platform is finding exciting material for a blog post.  If you are friend on Facebook, lucky you I posted it there recently.

 Yes, there will be more . . .    All will be revealed I promise!  Check back soon and I will have all the info my new book, where you can get it and how much!