At dawn, we headed to the hospital for another surgery. I admit this one really had me worried. I wasn't worred about the open heart/lung. I did not have time to worry. Nor did I have a real choice in the surgery. I had to or move right into terminal status. This surgery was planned. An option. And I really didn't want to go under again.
We arrived on time. Taken back for preop on time. Surgery happened on time. And I woke up in the surgical suite. I was out of the hospital within the hour. We arrived at 7:45 am and left at 2pm. I was so happy that they did not keep me over.
To spend the night here at my own home the night of surgery is a real new experience for me.
My pain is also very bearable. Advil and Tylenol are keeping it in check. Another real bonus. I get to take Advil after a week off it. I am proud of myself for making it a whole week!
The port will be great for chemo next week. No more IV's and my veins will be saved from chemo. It sits under the skin allowing me to shower and swim.
All in all, a very good day!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Funny Story
Almost every day, I have taken several walks. Some just around the driveway, up the street a block or recently, around the block. Granted I move at a snails pace and babies could crawl faster, I am still moving.
Today after dinner, I stated that I was going for a walk - by myself. My husband asked if I wanted company but I politely declined. I counter offered a 30 minute window. If I wasn't back by then, they could send out the troops.
Off I went. Hands in pockets and enjoying the evening. The sky was a bright blue and children were riding their bikes. And I was alone moseying along.
A neighbor stopped to chat. I admired her new puppy and we chatted about our children. The usual, how fast they were growing; latest accomplishments and school year gossip. I haven't seen her since last fall except to wave out the car window. I joked about my 30 minute window and she laughed.
Until I spotted my daughter strolling up the street.
There goes 30 minutes!
Oh, by the way, I wore a bra for the first time. Sounds weird to some but think about where the scar is and where a bra fits. You get the picture.
Today after dinner, I stated that I was going for a walk - by myself. My husband asked if I wanted company but I politely declined. I counter offered a 30 minute window. If I wasn't back by then, they could send out the troops.
Off I went. Hands in pockets and enjoying the evening. The sky was a bright blue and children were riding their bikes. And I was alone moseying along.
A neighbor stopped to chat. I admired her new puppy and we chatted about our children. The usual, how fast they were growing; latest accomplishments and school year gossip. I haven't seen her since last fall except to wave out the car window. I joked about my 30 minute window and she laughed.
Until I spotted my daughter strolling up the street.
There goes 30 minutes!
Oh, by the way, I wore a bra for the first time. Sounds weird to some but think about where the scar is and where a bra fits. You get the picture.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Next Step
I never thought about it before but blogging (at least in my format) is narcissistic. It's all about me as my son says.
I have schedule chemo to start in three weeks. I am fortunate that the onc is opting to separate the chemo agents so that I only take one form now. The next form of chemo we will save for next time. The toxicity of the combo outweighs the effectiveness. Especially in light of the fact that that I have no active tumors. So l agree that we can go with the easier regiment and save some for later.
The form he is recommending is doxorubicin (adriamyacin). It is common for sarcomas and breast cancer. I think there will only be four cycles -- a cycle is three to four weeks. And a single day transfusion. I hope that gives me time to bounce back each time.
I was afraid - and still am nervous. But everyday I get a little closer to accepting it.
What is so wrong with loosing your hair in the summer?
I have schedule chemo to start in three weeks. I am fortunate that the onc is opting to separate the chemo agents so that I only take one form now. The next form of chemo we will save for next time. The toxicity of the combo outweighs the effectiveness. Especially in light of the fact that that I have no active tumors. So l agree that we can go with the easier regiment and save some for later.
The form he is recommending is doxorubicin (adriamyacin). It is common for sarcomas and breast cancer. I think there will only be four cycles -- a cycle is three to four weeks. And a single day transfusion. I hope that gives me time to bounce back each time.
I was afraid - and still am nervous. But everyday I get a little closer to accepting it.
What is so wrong with loosing your hair in the summer?
Get It Together
I got a call from sister today. She basically kicked me in the but. I know that she is right so I will try. Basically she said that my pattern has been after surgery, I slowly sink into a depression. Looking back over the last few weeks, I know she is right. I have struggled lately putting on a brave face or finding the humor. Especially with this one. It was just bigger than I anticipated.
I know that part of it is the let down of post surgery. You loose the adrenaline. You loose the purpose of a date and time that you are working toward. Now, you just sit and heal. While everyone worries about you.
I hate that they worry about me. I think I am just a little too independent for my own good.
So I will blog and try to deal with my feelings here. I know that someone may read them from my family. That's OK. They already know that I am just shy of crazy - ha ha. I do have an appointment with psychologist. That will help.
I am exercising. If you can small walks and ankle rolls exercise. I breath into the stupid, asinine tube. I cough despite that I am in pain. I am doing everything I can to heal.
I just want it happen a little sooner.
I know that part of it is the let down of post surgery. You loose the adrenaline. You loose the purpose of a date and time that you are working toward. Now, you just sit and heal. While everyone worries about you.
I hate that they worry about me. I think I am just a little too independent for my own good.
So I will blog and try to deal with my feelings here. I know that someone may read them from my family. That's OK. They already know that I am just shy of crazy - ha ha. I do have an appointment with psychologist. That will help.
I am exercising. If you can small walks and ankle rolls exercise. I breath into the stupid, asinine tube. I cough despite that I am in pain. I am doing everything I can to heal.
I just want it happen a little sooner.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Again, Home Again
Last Friday I went for a surgical followup and ended up with an all expense paid visit to the hospital for six days. My breathing was labored with fevers and other symptoms. After multiple tests, looking for a pulmonary embolism, they released me yesterday. YEAH!
I am sorry that I am not my usual chipper self. I am very tired from little sleep. What sleep I get is in the recliner so I sleep sitting up. I feel like a shit because my recovery is delayed a week. So all in all, this is a down side.
In a little bit, I will post some more and let you in on all the weird and wacky that happens in a hospital from the patients side. Especially over a holiday!
I am sorry that I am not my usual chipper self. I am very tired from little sleep. What sleep I get is in the recliner so I sleep sitting up. I feel like a shit because my recovery is delayed a week. So all in all, this is a down side.
In a little bit, I will post some more and let you in on all the weird and wacky that happens in a hospital from the patients side. Especially over a holiday!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Not Dead Fred
The past week has been a series of ups and downs as I have readjusted to home. I hate that I am only able to do so little. I have been gasping for breath, bearing with the pain and shuffling from one chair to another.
Yes, that is as depressing as it sounds.
Until last night when I hit rock bottom.
My daughters were each having a rough night. My son wouldn't get to sleep and my husband was exhausted. I was also exhausted from hours of coughing.
Not a good night at all. I ended sleeping in the recliner so that I could sleep sitting up.
Today, I talked with my daughters and apologized for not being more upbeat. My daughter said that I had nothing to apologize. She likened me to Monty Python's Not Dead Fred. She sees me as jumping up and dancing instead of being thrown on the 'bring out your dead' cart.
I like that image. So tonight, while I am still struggling for breath and with pain, I will refuse to go on the cart.
I am Not Dead Fred!
Yes, that is as depressing as it sounds.
Until last night when I hit rock bottom.
My daughters were each having a rough night. My son wouldn't get to sleep and my husband was exhausted. I was also exhausted from hours of coughing.
Not a good night at all. I ended sleeping in the recliner so that I could sleep sitting up.
Today, I talked with my daughters and apologized for not being more upbeat. My daughter said that I had nothing to apologize. She likened me to Monty Python's Not Dead Fred. She sees me as jumping up and dancing instead of being thrown on the 'bring out your dead' cart.
I like that image. So tonight, while I am still struggling for breath and with pain, I will refuse to go on the cart.
I am Not Dead Fred!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig
Of course it is 1am and I am blogging. Since I can't speak, I can write.
About the speaking. I am finally home from a week in the hospital. Breathless, bruised and exhaused but grateful to be home. As many of you already know, the surgery was successful. The tumor was removed from my right pulmonary vein, upper right lobe and left atrium. (For those not in the medical know, I have know idea why the right lung would hook up to the left atrium. Nor do I care at this point anymore.) They did not have remove a portion of my heart or rebuild it with a cow heart. I did not know about the cow heart before and am grateful. Moo.
The surgery was far more successful than anyone realized. I was flambayed like a shrimp -- that was how it was described for me afterwards. Ick. I am do have some nice scars to add to the parachuting/shark bite/motorcycle accident story I use on my other surgery scars. The worse part was after the surgery.
My blood levels dropped, my oxygen dropped, my sugar bounced high and low, salt levels sky rocketed and I painfully tried to walk, pee, sit, eat and just breath on very little pain meds. After only one week, I am home. Thank you God!
Except that now I have to deal with breathing in normal time without kind nurses giving encouraging words or doctors giving pep talks. I am coming home to reality.
But hey, at least I am here!
About the speaking. I am finally home from a week in the hospital. Breathless, bruised and exhaused but grateful to be home. As many of you already know, the surgery was successful. The tumor was removed from my right pulmonary vein, upper right lobe and left atrium. (For those not in the medical know, I have know idea why the right lung would hook up to the left atrium. Nor do I care at this point anymore.) They did not have remove a portion of my heart or rebuild it with a cow heart. I did not know about the cow heart before and am grateful. Moo.
The surgery was far more successful than anyone realized. I was flambayed like a shrimp -- that was how it was described for me afterwards. Ick. I am do have some nice scars to add to the parachuting/shark bite/motorcycle accident story I use on my other surgery scars. The worse part was after the surgery.
My blood levels dropped, my oxygen dropped, my sugar bounced high and low, salt levels sky rocketed and I painfully tried to walk, pee, sit, eat and just breath on very little pain meds. After only one week, I am home. Thank you God!
Except that now I have to deal with breathing in normal time without kind nurses giving encouraging words or doctors giving pep talks. I am coming home to reality.
But hey, at least I am here!
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