The Dog and The Fire Hydrant

Today in my online liposarcoma support group there was a flurry of emails concerning stress and cancer. Last week NPR hosted a whole hour on cancer research and part of it addressed the link between inflamation and cancer. In the back of my mind I have often wondered about why I have this dreaded disease. It was not my formost concern when first diagnosed. I only wondered when I became calmer and passed the crisis. Now it is a fact of my life. I only need to address the embarrassment of depression.
I have talked about the depression before. I am pills. I see a psychologist. I am in support groups. Yet there is still embarrassment and a stigma to depression. Oh hell, if you wonder why I'm depressed just look at my plate. It runneth over. And I needed help. So there, no more embarrassment.
The discussion on stress in the online support group is a different issue. Stress causes a rise in cortisol which leads to inflammation. This inflammation could trigger a genetic tendency to cancer. A theory.
So I started to think about stress. How I handle it and how I don't. The online group talked about glasses half full and half empty. I always that I was a half full person. Optimistic and laid back. Perhaps I have too many half full glasses.
All of the discussion reminded me of a conversation that I had with my daughter's friend. I asked if she felt like the dog or the fire hydrant that day.
She said she felt like the sidewalk.

I want that job

Late at night, when I can't get to sleep, I have been watching reruns of Sex In The City. We don't have HBO so these aren't reruns for me. Now I know why people loved them.
I want Carrie's job. I want to be paid for a column about something. To work from my home and make enough to afford Jimmy Cho's.
Mostly I want to have the figure that makes all of those clothes look good.
So I will settle for the blog and making this my forum. I promise to endeaver more posts. Even though this started as a means to express myself during the most stressful period of my life. I really have learned to enjoy it.
So I will dream of living the Carrie Bradshaw life.
Mostly I will dream of the clothes.

Only In The Evening

Every night around 10pm I have a brainstorm. In my head I compose the best blogs -- as I get ready for bed, lock up for the night, brush my teeth and wait for sleep. Of course, the composition is gone from my brain the next morning.
This is a tribute to all of those incredibly well composed and thoughtful brain blogs. The blog I composed on autism. The blog I also composed on cleaning the house. All of those blogs that I composed on travel. Not to mention cancer, going forward, preparing for the next scan, living life and on and on and on.
While you look a the meager postings of the past two months, know that I am busily composing late into the night.
Even while I sleep.

Happy New Year - YEAH!

Thank You 2008! I wasn't sure I would see you yet here I am!
It is funny but many times I blogs in my head when I can't get to the computer. Then I sit down to blog and nothing comes out that I intended to write. It is like my fingers have a different agenda.
I know that it has been more than a month since I blogged. My apologies. I took time off to enjoy the holiday disease free. We spent the time as a family just enjoying the holidays. We really tried to live the time as life was before the diagnosis. Every day I counted my blessings and thanked God for one more year!
There isn't much to report except that I have a job. Granted I don't get paid so it isn't a job per se. It is an incredible opportunity to use my brain and keep me motivated. I miss work but I am realistic in realizing that I can't do it all anymore.
I do have other news. I climbed another rock wall and made it much further. Most of it was with my hands and don't have the flexibility in my leg -- but I did great for an old codger!
I also started a Tai Chi class. I loved it. Meditation in motion. Just what my doctor ordered.
And more importantly, my new diet and lifestyle are underway. I am seeing very positive results so far. I only hope that I can keep it going!
The children are wonderful. My husband is wonderful.
Life is good.

Tribute to Time

I was cleaning my husband's dresser this weekend. I found a card from his Grandmother's funeral. The poem on the back of the card was so moving and appropriate for this time of my life.

Suddenly

If suddenly we knew today

Was going to be our last

I'm sure we'd do a lot of things

Neglected in the past.

Like rising very early

So we wouldn't miss the dawn

Or running barefoot down a hill

Before the dew was gone.

I think we'd greet our neighbors

With a very special smile

And visit friends we hadn't seen

In quite a little while.

I'm certain we'd be careful

Not to tread on any toes

And listen with a kinder ear

To other people's woes.

We'd find much greater magic

In a sunset or a star

And wished we'd noticed sooner

Just how beautiful they are.

And finally, I think we'd ask

For extra time to do

These things we didn't do before

And lots of others too.

For all at once we'd realize

That our spiritual worth

Depends upon the way we live

While we are here on earth.

author unknown

Thank You for My Year

I have been struggling with an important anniversary since I last posted. The struggle has been so hard that I have put off posting. I have not let the depression sink back - I just postponed looking at this blog until I could do so without bad memories.
I has been a whole year since I received the horrendous news. A whole beautiful, roller coaster year. A whole year with no new growth. The original two tumors are far gone. A whole year. Far more time than I originally thought I would have.
And I am doing great!
Time is funny thing. You take it for granted until you are told there is no more time left!

Bless My Friends

What is the first thing you think a group of moms would do when visiting NYC?
Hit a bar, take in a show, shop Fifth Avenue, carriage ride in Central Park, etc. How about try new food? Shop at Macys or Bloomingsdales?
Or even visit the United Nations? Hard to take the kids through there, right?
Here we are on Wednesday night and all five of us are on Times Square. Acting like tourists with cameras and video camera. Where do we go first?
The toy store.
We are such moms. God Bless Us.