21 Days

And 21 days later I given myself the last shot. I am truly covered in bruises. Last week when I was swimming in the hotel pool I had several weird looks. My left leg looks like a shark bite. My right leg was covered in bruises. Fortunately, I was wearing a one piece and no one saw my bruised belly.
I am sure that someone thinks I am shooting up. If only it was so easy . . .
I also received a letter from my insurance company. This is perhaps the most difficult part. No it is not payment of two days in a bubble. They want to assign me a private nurse to be on call 24/7 - only a phone call away to assist in managing my case. She will work with us on developing a medical power of attorney and living will. She will work with us on filing the necessary paperwork to ease anything down the road in case the situation changes.
It only reminds that I also need to make funeral arrangements.
Yes, this sounds morbid and I don't intend to go anytime soon but there is a reality to face.
I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
I could also get news that they need to do open heart surgery to remove a tumor/clot.
When my mother passed, her greatest to gift to all of us was a prearranged funeral. We only had to grieve for her. Everything was taken of. I want to do that my family. My last gift.
Perhaps a living will and medical power of attorney will also remove doubt of what will happen - ease any issues from my husbands mind.
I know that in the quiet of the night I worry about the end. What will it look like? What will it feel like? How will it happen?
Then I wake up and (if lucky) the sun is shinning. My son is ready to play. I have a house to clean and friends to call.
And the night's questions fade.