Sunday, October 28, 2007

Just Call Me Lumpy

I found a lump on my back. Just below my thoracotomy scar. A small painful lump on the outside of my rib yet below my skin.
OK, I was stripping wallpaper earlier this week. And I found the lump after I started wallpapering. My sister said that it could be a pulled muscle, stretched rib or a lump. So I stopped worrying.
Besides I am going for a scan in less than two weeks.
What I can't forget is that I started freaking out over the lump. I feel so stupid. Not because I found the lump but because I do have a plan.
In August when I was scanned I was not at all worried. I thought that I would be starting chemotherapy soon so if there was lump - no problem. Now that there may be a lump, I am freaking out again. Even though it only means I will be starting chemo. Just a little later than I thought.
Finding the lump reinforces the notion that this is a battle of lumps. One small step at a time. A marathon if you will. Not a sprint. I need to get used to thinking in terms of the overall picture without painting death at each bump and lump.
Sounds easy. Now let's see if I can do it.

1 comment:

Lisa said...


I am so sorry about your lump and the looming possibility of chemo. ICK. I too well remember my freaking out over hte lump on my face and the fear that it meant mets. I have had to leave the listserve, but you can always reach me through my blog. Good luck say hi to MSKCC for me. I don't have to go back for awhile.