Saturday, May 5, 2007

Living in Between

We have a plan. A tentative plan but at least a plan. Since my allergic reaction was so severe, I will see a allergist/immunologist this week. We are postponing chemotherapy for a time. Scanning more frequently to stay ahead of the disease. And trying to see exactly what is going on. Why the reactions. Postponing also gives me a chance to heal. Physically and emotionally.
A high and a low. And many good in betweens. I have to learn to ride the high over the low and live in between. The in between moments such as watching a movie with your kids; a good heart to heart with your best friend; nice dinner; sleeping in; a good book; a flattering look from a stranger; hugs from your husband; kisses from your children. The in betweens.
I am conflicted. Should I press on? Be aggressive. Should I wait and give myself a time of peace and healing. Will the tumors wait for me?
Again, the in between. Is there an in between on this? Either way, I plan to live here in my in between.

No comments: