Yes, No and Maybe

It is only 9:30 pm and yes, I writing in my blog. It must be around midnight somewhere.
As of yesterday afternoon, we were ready to sign up for chemo. The questions we asked were -- Is there time for chemo? and Will it change the surgical outcome? The answer we received is yes and no. So we went to bed thinking that chemo would start by the end of the week.
Then the cute doc from NY called and we discussed my film. He completely reinforced the docs opinion in Cleveland and said he would send his mother there. I felt much better. He was concerned with chemo first and the potential for a piece to breakaway -- causing greater damage even death.
We called the Cleveland surgeon again. He reinforced the surgery alternative stating that he was working fast so that we could save the middle lobe of the right lung. The upper lobe is already gone. He wasn't sure that chemo would work. He felt this was the best alternative.
Do you see a pattern? The surgeons say cut and the oncs say chemo. Hence, the up and down of the past 24 hours.
Finally we spoke with the Cleveland onc. He says cut. He stated that it was the most aggressive option giving me the greater chance at ten more years. Or longer. Yes, it will be hell for the next year or two while I go through surgery (major heart and lung), chemo and recover. This isn't your mother's chemo - it is your grandmothers nasty, hair loss, vomiting, bleeding chemo. Shit.
So as of tonight - 9:35 pm - we are going forward as if each were going to happen. We are going for a pulmonary function test to see if I even qualify the surgery. Then we are going to talk to a surgeon about placing a mediport for the chemo.
All in all I am spinning around dizzily. Exhausted and walking like a zombie. I am desperately trying to find an upside here. A small spark of humor. A twinkle in the crapper.
Try this . . .
We now know there isn't ice water in my veins and heart like some former employees thought. It is only crap.